i feel like i cant talk about my bad feelings because ill be letting everyone down. like all my therapy was for nothing. renn was right therapy should be faster than 2 years. i dont want to fight all my life for a day of hapiness out of every 14-21. i dont want to be this way. i feel like im letting everyone down by being sad. i feel guilty. which makes me feel worse. i feel like im not allowed to be sad because im in therapy and im getting better. i just want to be happy but im not. im sad and crying and wishing i had someone to hold me. im wishing i had someone to rub my back and tell me that it would be okay. but i cant ask for that without letting everyone down. everyone is getting tired and sick of me. even my own mother. everyone is sick of my manic depression and i am too but i just cant get better. and even my own mother is giving up on me. i just wish i was better. im sorry im sorry im sorry about how terrible of a person i am. im sorry about feeling sad. i dont want to be sad but i am. maybe its not a fault in my chemistry but a fault in me. maybe im wired to always be sad.