pure

I’ve been pure. but now maybe i don’t want to be pure. i want him to care and maybe giving him the purest thing about me will make him care. i know he wants it. and idk. I’m thinking about it. i just want someone to care. i want to be good at it. i want to have boys go crazy over me. what if this makes him care and stay. maybe i shouldn’t be so pure. maybe i should let him take my virginity. on one hand i want to get it over with because i hate being so pure. but on the other hand i want to save it for my husband who will make it special. i just want my first time to be special and with someone i care about. I’m really sad when i think bout that because nobody will care that much about my virginity which is why i should just give it up. i don’t want to be unpure i just want someone to care. I’m so tired of boys leaving me and maybe sex will make them stay. I want to please boys. thats why I’m here on earth right? to please boys? so sex pleases them. i want to be good at it. i want to be good at sex and please boys. i want my first time to be special with flowers and candles and just us all night. i don’t want it to be a quickie on the floor but i don’t really get what i want or deserve sometimes. i just should give it up and I’m really thinking about doing it. i know i shouldn’t but i think I’m gonna do it. no guy is going to care about me unless i give it up. 

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