“at this time last year i was a mess and i feel like a mess again”

i got better, or i thought i did, but I’m here feeling the same feelings i swore i would never feel again. 

full of pain, loneliness, regret, self doubt. it seems like every time i close my eyes i realize how truly alone I feel and am

i like to push my feelings aside and act like I’m better and i trick myself into being better for a while but then the act ends, the makeup comes off, you wash off the lies and you’re left bare and raw with nothing to protect you.

maybe people really don’t notice me or care about me

i feel like my family, kearin and ashley are the only ones who care about me. thats 7 people…. which is pathetic 

what if i got in an accident and had to stay in the hospital? i would have 7 visitors. its really sad to think about how little people care about me when i used to care so much about other people. i used to be there for other people but now I’m not because they never really cared about me. i just wonder who would show up to my funeral…. who would even cry or care if i was gone… who even cares…. 

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