im not going to be hurt by you.

you will not be like my mother and try to hurt me. you will not blame me when I’m trying to help. i never know the full story with you because i respect your walls and I’m not going to push you because that never works. so i change the conversation because you get distant and I’m not gonna loose you and i was told that giving you space would be good. no i don’t know the full story ever because you have this walls so high and so thick and i don’t want to push you because i don’t want them to grow even more and its not even your fault. I’ve tried. I’m not good at people and things. i freaking feel the need to google how to help and talk to you half the time because i always feel like I’m saying the wrong thing. no i don’t know the situation and I’m just trying to help so do not go yelling at me for trying to help. you will not make me feel powerless because i tried to help. i don’t know what I’m ever doing with you. i always seem to say the wrong things that make it worse and piss you off and I’m sorry but ill just shut my mouth now. so you got what you wished for. you’ve silenced me just like my mother and father. i understand you taking out your frustration and anger and hurt on me. i get that. but i was trying to help. you said you were gonna have the other guy treat you right. it sounded like you were gonna use him. my bad for interpreting. guess i shouldn’t even read whats not given to me. i was trying to help you not feel worse. if you like him great. i get that your confused and mad at me for that and honestly i tried. i tried to be a good friend and you don’t want it so we don’t have to talk about anything like that. we can just have small talk. sorry for trying to help. but never ever make me feel small for trying to help. i was trying to be a good friend. my heart was in the right place. you say you try to talk to me about it but ashley you’re like the moon. more than 75 percent of you is hidden all the time. that must be exhausting. you say you try to talk to me but when i push you shut down so I’ve learned not to push. I’ve learned to let you talk and if you start to shut down i switch the conversation. I’m respecting you walls that you never let down. so don’t blame this on me being selfish because i was being respectful and letting you open up to me at your own pace because i know you have trust issues and its important for a person to let down their walls on their own. you can blame this on me all you want but the moment you really sit down and think about what i was trying to do and say and then what you tell me vs. the full story you’ll understand.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s