“Im not ready” i said

you rolled your eyes, took a big sigh and moved your hand up more
“you’ll love it when i start. just don’t think about it”
before i could say no you planted your lips on mine 
you moved yourself on top of me
grinding into me and moving your hands where i didn’t want them to be
“no please stop. i don’t think I’m ready”
you didn’t stop though.
“just don’t think. its going to feel great”
again you took my mouth with yours and i tried to protest 
i wasn’t ready and I’m still not.
i put my hands on your shoulders in an attempt to push you off
but you took it as a go ahead to go further
your hands stroked up my thighs and i shuddered at the thought of doing anything else
i wasn’t ready. i didn’t love you. this wasn’t right
“boys name”
you hushed me as you started to kiss my neck
“im not ready!” 
I sat up and moved against the wall 
“I’m sorry I’m just not ready”
i saw a flicker of anger dash across your face
“Then why are you here?!?!” you yelled
my eyes started to tear up
“all you did was tease me and now you won’t do anything”
i felt so dirty in that moment
“I’m sorry”
i couldn’t control myself and the tears started rolling 
they crashed onto the knees pressed against my chest
you sat next to me and put your arm around me 
“its okay if you’re not ready. it just you teased me”
i teased you… i couldn’t please you because i wasn’t ready 
“I’m sorry… I’m sorry”
i kept repeating those words and you held me in your arms
“you know what? it probably wasn’t for the best anyways. you’re not ready” 
i tried to tell you i wasn’t ready. i was in a rush to grow up
i went home and cried thinking about the boy who i almost let take my innocence 
and ever since that day i haven’t been the same…
i haven’t been able to let a boy touch me without shuddering 
the memory of trying to push you off because i wasn’t ready scarred me for life
i wasn’t ready and i don’t think i ever will be. 

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