meeting you-

I take a swig of vodka so cheap that it burned on the way down
happily getting tipsy and swinging around in my short gown
i throw my head back and laugh a glimmer in my eyes
as the party winds down we give hugs and say our good byes
“drive safe”. “text me when you get home” “please watch the road”
the moment i get home i let out a sigh and just let myself unload. 
i peel my dress off and take off my tights
thinking to myself “wow what a night”
I smile thinking of the cute tall boy staring at me dancing
thinking about him only caused my interest to start enhancing 
how tall and muscular his tan arms were
in that moment i locked eyes with him i was lured
i dip my feet into a hot bath i drew 
wondering what it would be like to kiss you
your soft pink lips so full 
as your hand tried to bring me closer, like a pull
i snap out of the day dream when my phone comes alive
an unknown number to my surprise 
is this alexa? because its me, joe*. please don’t find this weird but you just were having too much fun for me to intrude on. i would love to talk to you soon
my feet created a big splash as i squeal knowing that it was the man who made me swoon
with you-   4 months 
we have been talking for a while now but something is wrong
you are wanting more than i can give and I’m trying to be strong 
i was taught never to do something you don’t want to do 
but what if thats the only way to keep you
your patience is running thin
so i say okay and feel your hand on my soft virgin skin
never have i been touched where you have touched me 
i tremble at your light touch and feel on my thigh your knee
you try to spread my legs but i close them shut
im not ready yet i say and you get this look of disgust
“you’re such a god damn tease!!!!” 
all because i wasn’t ready to what you pleased 
i tremble hearing you shout 
and you roll your eyes at my trembling pout
you take me home and i walk to my door not saying a word
i rush upstairs but my vision gets blurred. 
tears fall down my face 
i imagine my parents disgrace
if they saw you touch me craving for more
when i was not ready and was feeling poor
oh what have i done i cry as i sit letting warm water rush over me
in the shower i sit in my tub of self pity 
trying to be done with you-  8 months 
i no longer cringe at your touch
it does not hurt when my hair is in your rough clutch
for i have gotten used to your abuse
but i cannot prove it because you never leave a bruise
i know this is abuse but yet i wanted nothing more than to please
i never wanted to be a tease
i sit emotionless as you take your time tracing my stomach 
no longer do i feel it plummet
for my love or sparkle has been lost
the moment you were full of anger and lust
i say I’m done and you hold this over me
i will tell everyone what you’ve done 
i sit letting you finish 
my self worth is diminish 
you have caused me to become a machine 
one that is no longer clean
i say I’m done
and you laugh at my statement and say uh huh okay hun
and i sigh knowing i don’t have the strength to fight anymore 
oh what i would give to go back and never even open that door
the door that has lead me here

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